I can’t wait for this to be over. I sit and hope for the best. My life lessons are being tested. What I thought I knew is blurred and the line between reality and fantasy is not found. Praying nights don’t seem to help answers find. In the dark I am blind to who we are.
There is no need for history or folk lore. No need for me to even a score that doesn’t seem to exist. I look out at the green and brown of the earth beneath my feet and think of times we did first meet.
What is it about life that I can’t find the answer. I used to dance and swim and sometimes ski. My body now seems foreign to me. A tremor here a tingle there. Somehow I am unaware of the things people know. Unaware of the scars my heart may show. And I sit and ponder the meaning of life. Read a book and wonder what it means to me. How did it change me?
I don’t have all the answers and I have no more strength to fight. And with a bite of each meal I feel more lost. Dazed, confused. Nothing can put me back on course and my medicine is death.